Tube Surgery #3

I know that I haven't been great at updating everyone lately and I am very sorry for that.  My energy level has really decreased the past month as I've become more malnourished and so I've been focusing solely on making it through work each day.  I will update you more on POTS and the treatment plan that began October 26th later this week.

TUBE SURGERY #3

So this happened on November 11th.

If you can't tell that is my j tube in my hand and not in my abdomen.  I've been trying really hard not to be angry at the mistakes that have been made, which have led to my tube being removed, and that is also why I have chosen not to post until now.  I know that the only person to ever walk this earth perfectly was the Savior, so how can I expect doctors to not make mistakes?  I am still angry, frustrated, exhausted, and every other emotion possible at these two doctors, but I also know that they have always tried to do what was in my best interest.  I have to put my trust in them to have a new tube placed on November 22nd so that I can begin receiving nutrition again, being angry won't get me anywhere.  I have had a choice to make: I can go in angry with them and not feel peace or I can go in having faith in God's plan.  He has kept me alive too many times to count when the odd's have not been in my favor and I received a blessing tonight that reminded me to focus on the peace that comes from God and in His plan for me.

Am I terrified to be having a third tube surgery? Yes.  Am I afraid that it might not go as planned? Yes.  Am I anxious about having three holes in my abdomen?  Yes.  But I do not have a choice in getting the surgery.  This tube is what will keep me alive and will give me the nourishment that I need to begin the treatment plan for my POTS, SMA syndrome, and vagas nerve damage.  

THANK YOU

This week is Thanksgiving and I am just so grateful to the home health nurses that check on me even when they are off the clock.  I am also thankful for my sister-in-law, who is there for me whenever I need her and who sacrifices her time to be with me at doctors so that I don't have to be alone.  Also, to the friends who have given their time to take me to doctors and to come visit me from Salt Lake.  I am grateful for all of the prayers that you are saying in my favor, and for those that have had faith for me when I have felt like giving up.  It has been one crazy roller coaster for almost 5 years now and yet I can still walk around with a smile on my face and with the knowledge that God is constantly blessing me with little miracles.  All I have to do is open my eyes to see them.  

Tomorrow I will have surgery to get a new j feeding tube and I know that because of your prayers and faith that all will go as God has planned.  Thank you for going through this journey with me.  I promise to try and update you more.  I know that you want to stay informed.  I just want to make sure that this blog is a positive place for me to share my journey and that I am striving to find joy in the circumstance, and not using this as a place to vent my frustrations.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving!